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Never Cry In A Strip Club

This is simple advice for men — or anyone really — who struggles with intimacy.

12 min readAug 1, 2024

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A few years ago, I told a friend a sad story about the one time I went to a strip club after being dumped. She quietly listened and then made an emotionless observation: “You make the women in your life do a lot of emotional work.”

“Do you think so?” I replied.

She slowly shook her head, her point having been made.

This person was, and is, a very close confidant of mine. She forgives me for my shortcomings, and I return the favor. She gives me advice and vice versa. For instance, she once dated a guy who called himself a “feminist,” and I warned her that was a potential red flag.

“He could be a real asshole,” I said.

“Aren’t you a feminist?”

“Yes.”

She was the first friend I told I was sober, back when I was convinced no one would love me if they found out I was in recovery. Later, when I told her I was going to group therapy for men, she cheered me on. She accepted me even when I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. I can see now how blessed I am. To have a friend. We support each other, even if we don’t always talk…

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John DeVore
John DeVore

Written by John DeVore

My memoir 'Theatre Kids: A True Tale of Off-Off Broadway' is now available. jdv.lol