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Literary Knock-Knock Jokes Too Brilliant For The New Yorker

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Bertolt Brecht

Bertolt Brecht who?

The door is Brecht, you need to fix it.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Alexander Pushkin

Alexander Pushkin who?

If you don’t open up, I’ll Pushkin the door!

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker who?

Dorothy Parker car illegally, she needs to move it!

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Franz Kafka

Franz Kafka who?

Now I am a gigantic insect.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Samuel Beckett

Samuel Beckett who?

It doesn’t matter.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Homer

Homer who?

Exactly. You can’t go Homer again.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

James Joyce

James Joyce who?

Open up, the snow is falling on the living and the dead.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Charlotte Brontë

Charlotte Brontë who?

Not funny anymore. Let me out of the attic.

***

Tapping, tapping

Who’s there?

Nevermore

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Sophocles

Sophocles who?

Open the door, motherfucker

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Anthony Burgess

Anthony Burgess who?

Clockwork Orange you going to let me in?

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Descartes

Descartes who?

I am.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Gabriel Garcia Marquez who?

[There is the sound of angel’s wings]

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Marcel Proust

Marcel Proust who?

Would you like to buy a cookie?

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

The Marquis De Sade

The Marquis De Sade who?

You’re taking too long to De Sade to open up.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

F. Scott Fitzgerald

F. Scott Fitzgerald who?

Zelda. It’s me. I’m sorry. Unlock the door.

No.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Fredrich Nietzsche

Fredrich Nietzsche who?

When you gaze long into the peephole, the peephole also gazes into you.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Dante

Dante who?

Don’t be silly, it’s your Dante and your Duncle!

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Ezra Pound

Ezra Pound who?

Ezra pound and pound and pound until you open up.

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Eugène Ionesco

Eugène Ionesco who?

Rhinoceros

***

Knock-Knock

Who’s there?

Leo Tolstoy

Leo Tolstoy who?

Nanna Karenina your business

Written by

Editor, Humungus. I won two James Beard Awards once for an essay about Taco Bell. Let’s be friends.

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