12 Tips For Picking The Best Domain Name

Choosing a domain name is probably the most important decision you’ll ever make in your life.

Here’s my advice: follow these 12 simple tips for choosing a domain name and everything will turn out awesome.com or .net.

1. Don’t Make It Hard To Type

Picking a domain name that is easy to type is important. Remember that most Americans don’t have fingers. They just have two mega-thumbs. Avoid domain names that are the mouth sounds of dying mammals.

2. Think Of A Pithy Name

If your domain name is too long, one user using Windows 98 might mistype it into Internet Explorer 5.5 and then your website will be a failure. It’s best to keep it short, because short domains are expensive.

3. Use Made-Up Words

Have some fun and make up a word! Here’s an example of a fun made up word: xenophobia. You can also remove vowels from words to create a hip domain, like ADSRSRCH.org. Twenty-seven lowercase letter qs typed out in a row dot com is not a great idea for a domain name because it is long.

4. Keywords Are Key

Use keywords that describe what your website. This way, profoundly stupid people can understand what you’re about. If your website is about butts and flowers try choosing the domain ButtFlowers.com.

5. Go Local!

Let’s say you live in Dallas and you collect baby teeth. Why not pick the domain DallasBabyTeethCollector.com? Bet you’ll get some awesome baby teeth.

6. Never Use Hyphens Or Numbers

Also: don’t use ancient mystical symbols meant to summon old gods from their dark slumber.

7. Pick Your Dream Name

Come up with a funny, catchy, brilliant original name that you love. It’s easy! Now, what is your dream name? Is it NikeApple.com? Good, because that is currently available. But not for long.

8. Turn Any Word Into A Noun

If you’re having problems coming up with a name, just pick any random word. Any word. Then put a “The” in front of it. Boom. You have a domain name.

9. Do Your Due Diligence

Is your domain name trademarked, copyrighted, or used by another company? Probably! Fun fact: Diarrhea.com is a domain name that actually redirects to Pepto-Bismol’s website.

10. Decide On A Domain Extension

It is surprisingly easy to buy a “.com” domain extension if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars available. If you don’t, there are other less popular domain extensions available, like “.biz,” “.barf,” and “.genocide.”

11. Defend Your Brand

What is your brand? Is it ham? Or crying in the dark? Whatever it is, remember that your brand is valuable, like an imaginary diamond. Protect your imaginary diamond by spending more money on domain names that are slightly different than yours because GrandmasKnittingCorner.com will attract competitors.

12. Buy Your Domain Name

The most popular domain registration website is owned by a colony of vampires from Arizona who bought millions of domains back in 1995. If you work directly through a broker, you may get to exchange emails with a shadowy individual who may or may not be involved in the international white slave trade.

Now that you have a domain name, just sit back and get ready to rule the world wide web!

Writer/editor. NYPost, CONAN, Sirius XM. 2X James Beard Award winner. I created Humungus, a blog about movies, tv & feelings.

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